alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
