Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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