we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
