She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
