I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
