i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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