literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
