it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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