roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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