She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
