Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
