he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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