Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
