I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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