PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
