Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
