the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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