im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
