upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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