Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
