Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
