do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
