If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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