you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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