that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just pee around me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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