You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
