The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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