wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
