you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You were trust falling into bushes
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
