There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
