Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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