The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
