Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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