he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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