hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
