I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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