It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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