You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
