yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
