Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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