I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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