the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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