One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
