DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
