That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
