Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
