I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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