im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
