U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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