Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
