ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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