hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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