Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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