im about as happy as oj after his trial
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
