i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
