i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
