I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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