Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
