he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
