my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
