I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
worst night to have a conscience
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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