I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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